HALFWAY DONE!

Halfway done!!!!!! In some ways, the past 6 months have seemed like they flew by and in other ways, they seem like they've dragged on forever. I thought it would be appropriate to write a very candid and honest blog entry about this experience now that I am halfway through. I never talk much about how this process affects my daily life except with those of you that are pretty close with me, so I thought I would do that now. I am going to save a substantial portion of my story for the end when I compile it all together and write a comprehensive story about my entire experience, but for now, here's a bit about my experience thus far broken into specific categories. The first category: The Thank You's.

THANK YOU

Trying to come up with doing something new that I've never done before every single day for a year and keeping it interesting has proven to be extremely challenging at some points. I do a lot of "firsts" on a regular basis, but I TRY to make the ones I post to be at least somewhat interesting. I absolutely cannot say thank you enough to everyone who has supported me during this process. It's really been amazing. There is no way I could do a lot of this without the support and help of others, not only emotionally supporting me but also physically being there or providing me with ideas or the tools to complete these firsts. I've had complete strangers come up to me and tell me to keep doing what I'm doing or that they love what I'm doing and that's surprising and rewarding when that happens. I've had some of the most emotional Facebook messages from the most unexpected people, telling me what this means to them and to keep doing it. The support has really been amazing and I just truly want to say thank you to everyone again for all of your support and good vibes, especially my family and close friends who have provided me with so much through this. Your support and encouragement mean more than you'll ever know, especially during the rough patches. Speaking of rough patches, let's talk about the negative aspects of 365 Firsts before getting into the much more enriching and important positive aspects of it.


THE NEGATIVES

I said I was going to be honest... sometimes I HATE that I am doing this. I want to preface this by saying that I am not complaining in the slightest, I'm simply talking about the negative social aspect of it. I can't tell you the number of times I've been asked, "what's your first going to be today?", and my response is. "I don't know". People think I'm crazy that I don't have everything planned out, but let me be the first to tell you that it doesn't matter how much you plan, things won't always work out just because they are planned. I'll be planning on doing a first all day and then 10pm comes and something happens that doesn't allow me to do what I had planned anymore. Some days I just want to wake up, go to work, exercise, hang out, chill out and watch TV... whatever. And there are days when I do smaller firsts that I can do that. BUT, even when I'm doing a smaller first, I still have to think about what I'm going to do or how I'm going to do it. I still have to go buy supplies and do it. I have to think about what I'm going to do the next day. Some days, I'll be busy the entire day and literally have an hour left to pull something together to do before midnight hits.

The worst part of this is the mental toll. It's very mentally taxing. I've been thinking about this since January. The daily process of challenging yourself and simply coming up with something new to do that is at least somewhat interesting has proven to sometimes be a little overwhelming when life gets in the way. Some people criticize me on the days I do smaller firsts. Some people get mad that I wasn't able to include them in something because our schedules didn't match up. Some people think I'm crazy or that I'm an idiot for not having everything planned out exactly. When that happens, I can't help but laugh and think, "when's the last time you did this?" I call those people haters and quickly shake them off. Thanks for the advice, Taylor Swift.


Like I said, I'm not complaining because I don't have to be doing this. This isn't some burden that's been thrust upon me and I could wake up tomorrow and quit at anytime, but I'm not going to. This is a big social experiment and I'm simply talking about the negative sides of it, which leads me into my next topic, what I like to call: "The Low 100's".


THE LOW 100's

Right around day 100, from about day 90 through about day 130, was a pretty rough patch in this process. I call it the low 100's because it was in the early 100's of 365 Firsts, there was a massive heat wave in Saint Louis right at that time and every day was over 100 degrees for a while, and also, because I felt pretty damn crappy during this time. Time to be candid I suppose. I won't get too much into it, but I've struggled in my past pretty intensely with not always mentally feeling the greatest. Pretty much only the people closest to me know that and I still don't talk to them much about it at all. Anyway, it comes and goes still sometimes and I happened to go through a random and really rough bout of feeling this way during this time. The worst bout in about 6 years. Along with that, 365 Firsts had started to become very mentally taxing on me at this point.

 I had a lot of life changes happening at this time as well, and to put the cherry on top, a certain person entered my life like a freaking tornado and flipped it completely upside down. Some of the craziest things I've ever experienced mentally and emotionally all happened during this time. It was like a perfect storm and my brain felt like it had been thrown into a blender and it made 365 Firsts seem like a burden that I couldn't get rid of. I really wanted to quit. I knew I wouldn't, but the last thing on Earth I cared about at that time was 365 Firsts. Just trying to mentally pull myself together to get through the day was hard enough. Coming up with new firsts and finding the will power to make myself do them was extremely tough. I really started to hate 365 Firsts at this time. All I wanted to do was fix myself mentally and get back to myself and this only got in the way.

Eventually, I snapped out of it. I got back to being myself. I started to care more and more about 365 Firsts like I previously did. I took care of the "tornado damage", looked back at that whole thing and laughed and then moved on. If this process has taught me one thing, it's patience. I've always had a lot of patience, but this isn't a sit around and wait type of patience. This patience is dealing with a constant mental change. Sometimes it wears me down completely and other times I'm dancing around my room with my headphones in writing all kinds of new ideas down as they come to me. It's definitely changed me like I expected and it's been a change for the better, which leads into talking about the positives of this process.


THE POSITIVES

Ok, enough with the negative. I don't like negative. It eats away at you. The positives of 365 Firsts FAR outweigh the negatives. I have done things I never thought I would do as long as I lived. I've done things I've never even previously heard of. I've met some of the most interesting people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I've overcome my intense fear of spiders by holding a tarantula. I beat my fear of heights by skydiving. I even got a pedicure! Coming from someone who can't stand to be barefoot or even walk around without shoes or house slippers on at all times, that was a big deal (I'm weird about that, get over it). I've grown from this process in so many ways and I'm only halfway done. Even on the smaller days when I barely have any time or plans fell through or whatever, I still almost always grow or learn from those days, even the bad ones.

I wanted to make sure that at least about one-third of 365 Firsts was dedicated to helping other people or doing random acts of kindness in hopes of inspiring others to do the same. Those days are the days that keep me going when I want to quit. Nothing gives me a more satisfying feeling than those days and it keeps me grounded instead of always focusing on what I'm going to do next. Only a slight part of this is about me. Yes, I want to experience all of these things and learn and grow from it, but I really deep down want others to see it and realize that they can really see life through a different lens by stepping out of their comfort zone and trying new things. Also, being kind to others without any ulterior motive is invaluable. So far, I have gotten a ton of people privately messaging me on Facebook or Instagram telling me that they saw me do this or that and it inspired them to try something new, etc. That really means so much to me and again I want to say thank you and I'm glad you've listened to the message of this whole thing and went out and did something. It can truly be life changing.

Life-changing is a great phrase to use. This process really has been life-changing and I'm only halfway through. A few of the craziest experiences of my life happened through it. I jumped out of a freaking plane that was 2 miles in the air. I NEVER would've done that if I didn't just force myself to do it and now that I have, I feel completely empowered and I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life. I can name several moments like that. When I take a minute to sit back and process everything, I really have grown stronger in so many ways. I may be weakened sometimes by the mental grind of it all, but overall, I have grown so much.


So far, if I have one regret about 365 Firsts, it's that it isn't "bigger" than it is. If it was bigger, more people would see it and more people might be inspired to do more kind things for others or to step out of their comfort zones and try new things. That is the entire reason I am doing this in the first place. Maybe one day it will find a bigger audience, but for now, thank you all very much to everyone that is following along and supporting me. It means everything to me.


MY FAVORITES

In no particular order and excluding the random acts of kindess, my top 10 favorite days so far have been:

-The Breaking Bad Tour in New Mexico (Day 68)
-Sensory Deprivation Tank in Nashville (Day 171)
-Becoming an Uncle (Day 154)
-Skydiving (Day 84)
-A Tribute for Austin and Sarah (Day 79)
-Hang gliding in Chattanooga (Day 170)
-Swimming with Dolphins (Day 33)
-Knoxville SEC Gameday Experience (Day 168)
-Cardinals Care 6K (Day 120)
-Crash a Wedding (Day 63)


THE WORST ONES

-Put Together a 1,000 Piece Puzzle in One Day (Day 11)
-Pedicure (Day21)
-50 Selfies with 50 Strangers (Day 50)
-Hold a Tarantula (Day 55) ----This was horrible at first but good in the long run
-Massive Straw Bridge (Day 64)
-5 Gum Truth or Dare (Day 114)
-Shave my Legs (Day 119)
-Fried Lamb Testicles (Day 70)
-Firebrand Chili Challenge - The Chili Parlor (Day 156)
-Rubber band Ball (Day 89)

The final thing I have to say is... don't wait around until it's too late. Don't. You'll never know what you could've had until it's gone. Don't let it go away in the first place. If you want something, go after it. Live life for yourself, but not only for yourself. Be a good person. Have fun, make mistakes, don't take life too seriously and know your worth. Don't think you're better than anybody else because you're not. Don't judge or try your hardest to do it as little as you can because you have no idea what other people are going through. Don't be afraid to take a chance on anything, no matter how ridiculous it may initially seem. Your life could change in an instant and that instant can happen at anytime. Don't wait around. Don't let someone hold you back. Tackle life with ferocity and love and you'll grow to be a wise and fulfilled person at the end of your life instead of filled with regret. Do this for yourself.

Once again, I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who has supported me through this and everyone who helps me along the way. It really wouldn't be possible without support. This has been a really interesting journey so far. I'm sure I will have at least one or two more mental breakdowns before it's over, but I expect that. In the end, I can't wait to see the year that I will have had when it's all said and done. Thanks again!